January 16, 2012
A group of women find strength of body and mind in CrossFit, giving writer Emily Beers the courage to tell her own story of self-doubt.
“The Flower that Blooms in Adversity is the most Rare and Beautiful of all ” was written by Chris Schaalo of CrossFit Taranis, and it told the story of two-time individual CrossFit Games competitor Alicia Connors.
In the post on the Old Country Strong blog, Schaalo went on to reveal that Connors attempted suicide a few years ago after a long battle with depression, anxiety and eating disorders. When I read Connors’ story, I subconsciously found myself back in that place—to a day I had blocked out for years.
All of a sudden, I am 10 again and at gymnastics practice. I see the scale under the coach’s arm; I know what it’s for. I rush to the bathroom, panicked. Then I decide to try it: I cautiously stick my finger down my throat for the first time. To my surprise, it works. I throw up.
I don’t feel any better. I know that I’m still about to be exposed on the scale as the heaviest girl there. There’s no way out of this. I leave the bathroom shaking and join my training mates in a line.
One by one, girls step onto the scale. Finally, it’s my turn. Heart pounding, red-faced, I cautiously mount the scale. It spits out a number. I weigh 96 lb., a solid 30 lb. more than the others
I am horrified.