Holiday WODs, Pre-Apocalypse

Few days are left before the world comes to an end. Andréa Maria Cecil advises gluttony followed by constantly varied functional movement performed at high intensity. Be prepared to meet your maker.

It’s that time of year when I like to celebrate Jesus’ birthday by getting fat.

Oh, you eat 100 percent Paleo all year round? Good for you.

I like fried oyster po-boys on French bread and beignets with copious amounts of powdered sugar, both of which I will enjoy when I go home to New Orleans for Christmas.

Ordinarily, I would continue my glorious gluttony right through New Year’s. But because the world ends on Dec. 21, it’s a moot point. Instead, it’s best to focus on becoming physically presentable in preparation to meet my Mayan god. I advise you do the same. I hear they’re, like, OG Paleo. It would be wise to look the part.

I suggest these delightful, creative and vomit-inducing workouts presented to you by CrossFit affiliates worldwide. Sure, they might kill you, but you’re just getting a head start on the apocalypse.