Holiday WODs, Pre-Apocalypse

By Andréa Maria Cecil

In CrossFit, Workouts

December 19, 2012

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Few days are left before the world comes to an end. Andréa Maria Cecil advises gluttony followed by constantly varied functional movement performed at high intensity. Be prepared to meet your maker.

It’s that time of year when I like to celebrate Jesus’ birthday by getting fat.

Oh, you eat 100 percent Paleo all year round? Good for you.

I like fried oyster po-boys on French bread and beignets with copious amounts of powdered sugar, both of which I will enjoy when I go home to New Orleans for Christmas.

Ordinarily, I would continue my glorious gluttony right through New Year’s. But because the world ends on Dec. 21, it’s a moot point. Instead, it’s best to focus on becoming physically presentable in preparation to meet my Mayan god. I advise you do the same. I hear they’re, like, OG Paleo. It would be wise to look the part.

I suggest these delightful, creative and vomit-inducing workouts presented to you by CrossFit affiliates worldwide. Sure, they might kill you, but you’re just getting a head start on the apocalypse.

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3 Comments on “Holiday WODs, Pre-Apocalypse”

1

wrote …

"Find your heart warmed by a touching Christmas card? Surprise, bitch, it’s thrusters and pull-ups. Merry Christmas."
CFJ gold. Loved that line and almost snarfed my dinner.

2

wrote …

I second the comment above. This is absolutely hysterical and so perfectly written. LOVE!!!

3

wrote …

Hilarious Andrea, loved the story. I'm with you, I go paleo most of the time but just today for lunch I too succumbed to a perfectly breaded and fried oyster po boy. If the Mayans were wrong, perhaps I'll have the beignets for breakfast tomorrow.

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